Okay bloggies. It’s here. The sand in the hourglass is dwindling. The ticks of the countdown clock are speeding up. There are no more fingers or toes to count on. 30 is merely hours away! Holy moly!!! (A number of other, more vulgar, expletives came to my mind as I’m thinking about this fact, but I resolved on New Years Eve to try to clean up my language.)
A friend of mine I met freshman year taught me about “birthday reflections”. On the eve of your birthday you think back about the previous year, what you’ve done, and what you want for the next year. It may sound super cheesy but honestly, it is pretty awesome…not to mention super cathartic. But let’s be honest here, on the eve of my 30th birthday, I don’t think that reflecting upon the year that has past will suffice. Besides the fact that through writing this blog, I’ve already done a pretty bang-up job of reflecting on the last year; I am not only saying goodbye to a year, I am saying goodbye to an entire DECADE!!
And as I think about it SO MUCH has happened in those 10 years. I studied abroad in London and watched the Syracuse Orange win the NCAA tournament. I graduated from college and the same summer ended my 13 year run at sleep-away camp. I’ve had 3 jobs and 2 apartments. I’ve had friends pass away and I’ve had friends move out of town. I’ve partied like a rock-star and I’ve hibernated like a bear in winter. I’ve seen friends get married and have babies. I’ve had 2 serious relationships and have been on countless “story worthy” dates. I’ve lost over 90lbs and have gained a little bit of it back (getting old = slower metabolism. Sad). I’ve been to the Super Bowl, Sundance, The Kentucky Derby, French Open, and saw The Who twice (they are my fave!!!!). I’ve traveled to Europe, Asia, the Caribbean, and Central America. I’ve seen the entire West Wing series 4 times and watched It’s Complicated enough to figure out how to uncomplicate it. I’ve shed countless tears and had millions of belly laughs. WOWZA. That’s a lot!!
A lot has happened on the inside as well. 10 years ago, I would have never written this blog. Did the word “blog” even exist in 2002?? I would have been so consumed with the fear that no one would read it. Or if they did, they would hate it or worse…not think it was FUNNY!! 10 years ago, I was a doormat. I had no voice. I never put what I wanted to do above everyone else. What I thought was being “breezey” was really me being walked over. 10 years ago, I was consumed with being “enough”. Was I nice enough? Friendly enough? Caring enough? Funny enough? Smart enough? Love-able enough? Well…ENOUGH of enough! It has taken me 9 out of the 10 years of this decade to figure it out, but thankfully I have. I have come to find that I am pretty much the JAM! I have embraced what makes me me. I have come to realize that it is more than okay to speak-up for myself. I have found my voice and clearly have not stopped using it. I am NOT perfect and there are people in this world that do not and will not like me. But why waste my time worrying about that? Why spend my time trying to MAKE them like me when I already have people that do!
I know I know, on the brink of turning 30 I’ve become pretty wise! Well, there are some things that will never change even though, as of tomorrow, I will be an “adult” . I will always sleep with my stuffed animal, Piggy. I will still order chocolate milk and shirley temples. I will always make a wish on 11:11 and hold my breath when I drive by a cemetery. I will still NOT know how to do my own laundry (I know, it’s TERRIBLE). I will still call my parents when I am sick. I will still rather watch cartoons on Sunday morning rather than Meet The Press. I will still have solo dance parties in my apartment. I will always think that a cardi with a random t-shirt is the perfect outfit. I’ll still believe that Prince William and I are destined to be together. I will always take naps!!
This “birthday reflection” has actually really helped!! I know that when I wake up tomorrow morning, I’m going to pretty much feel exactly how I did today. For 30 is only a number and age is just a state of mind. No, I’m not where I thought I would be when I turned 30 (married with kids in the ‘burbs) but I think I am exactly where I should be. I am sad to see my 20s go-but what I’m on the verge of has the potential to be something extraordinary!!
**BTW-Happy last day of your 20s to my friend and birthday twin P-ster!**