I am not a jealous person…well not THAT jealous. I don’t fill with fury when I see someone wearing a fabulous Missoni sweater when I am wearing my Missoni for Target cardi. I don’t fall into a tailspin when I see someone getting a promotion at work when I’m still career hunting. I don’t discontinue my Facebook account because I see yet another one of my friends gets engaged, married, or has a baby. I am genuinely happy for those people. Yet, there is one person in this world that makes my blood boil like hot lava exploding out of a volcano…KATE MIDDLETON.
Okay, I know it sounds completely ridiculous, but that is what is so charming about me…I embrace my complete ridiculousness. Let’s start from the beginning. Most 14 year olds in 1996 were obsessed with JTT or Devon Sawa. I, on the other hand, was obsessed with Prince William. And by obsessed I mean I had a 5 foot poster of him blown up on my bedroom wall. I cut as many pictures out of him from any magazine I could find and taped them into a collage-like design directly above my bed at home (and had a smaller version to bring to camp). I even kept a blank tape in the VCR to record any and all television segments about him. In my life I have been to London 5 times, including two spring breaks during college AND studying abroad for a semester my Junior year. And each and every time I go, I make a serious attempt in locating Prince William. I will also admit that I went to Edinburgh for a weekend when I was abroad because that is where he went to University. To no avail…I have never found him. And unfortunately for me, the housing office at Edinburgh University made it much easier Kate Middleton to meet her prince.
I know in real life there was no shot in h*ll that I was going to actually meet, fall in love, and marry Prince William-but ugh, it would’ve been just great if I could have, right?!?! And lets also be honest here, Kate and I are “similar”. Both fair skinned brunettes with light eyes. Both middle named Elizabeth (though I’m with an S not a Z). Both can TOTES rock a shift dress. Both have worked in event planning in past career lives. There was even a rumor that she may or may not be partially Jewish! She is basically me with a British accent. HA!
So like here’s the deal…when the tabloids broke the news that Prince William had a girlfriend that he was LIVING with-my heart broke a little bit. When I heard that they’d broken up-I researched cheap flights to London (I mean, I would NOT have been upset to be the rebound girl). When I saw on tv they had gotten back together at the Princess Diana Memorial concert-I had to stop watching. But when they got engaged-that’s when I knew jealousy was rearing it’s ugly uncrowned head. I woke up that fateful morning to a text message from my friend saying “I’m so sorry for your loss. Prince William is engaged”. And then I cried. And I kept crying right through the months leading up to the wedding. Then at 4:30am on that fateful Friday in April-I bawled my eyes out. (The sight of her dress alone sent me into a whirlwind of emotion)
Yes, I am jealous of Kate Middleton. She’s married my teenage Prince Charming. She gets to wear a crown. Her body is rocking and every piece of clothing looks impeccable on her. She is a REAL LIVE PRINCESS! Here is what I am not jealous of. She has to lead her millions of loyal subjects and her every move is scrutinized by the public eye. I only have to lead 3 loyal subjects (my stuffed animals) and the only people who scrutinize my every move are my mom and dad. She loses weight and people think she is “too stressed out”. I lose weight and people high five me and tell me “way to go”! The best part of it all?! Today, the Duchess of Cambridge turns the big 3-0, while I, the self proclaimed Duchess of the Upper East Sidefordshire am still hanging on to my 20s!!
I know one day I will meet my real life prince charming. Though most likely he won’t be an ACTUAL prince, he is going to treat me like a princess. In the mean time, Prince William, if you are ever looking for a rounder, less proper, and YOUNGER version of your current duchess-I’m just a hop, skip, plane, and short cab ride away 🙂 The Upper East Sidefordshire welcomes you with open arms!!