This Little Piggy’s Party

I have said it before and I will continue to live by the following theory: A party is only as good as the pigs in a blanket.  Go ahead…add that to one of those websites with famous quotes because now that you’ve heard it, you will subscribe to this theory too!

Let’s break it down–you’ve got a bite sized hot dog wrapped in puff pastry.  What about that doesn’t say delicious?! It’s salty, buttery, crispy, and chewy all in one bite. Dip it in ketchup or mustard if you please, but you can’t deny that it is the world’s most perfect party food.  Let’s just actually stop right here and ponder the fact that we serve these little heavenly, yet incredibly greasy, delights during special occasions…where we are usually dressed in our fancier clothes…and it would be super unfortunate if you accidentally wiped your greasy hand on your outfit.  That’s neither here nor there for me because I would rather go home with a dress full of pig in a blanket finger prints than not eat them at all!!

Now, let me prove my theory:

As I have mentioned in a previous post, I love me some wedding!! I am a professional wedding guest.  At this point, I think I can safely say I could plan a wedding successfully just from what I’ve seen. I don’t rank the weddings I’ve been to in my head from best to worst, but I can honestly say I have my favorites and my…well…weddings that turn into funny stories I tell to my friends for years afterward.  The favorites usually, but do not necessarily, have good bands, fun guests, good cocktail hour (food and possibly a signature martini), maybe something unique at the end of the night, and constantly flowing champs (champagne for those not clued into my lingo).  I will say that out of my 10 favorite weddings, 3 of them made the list because of their EXTRAORDINARY pigs in a blanket offerings.

One wedding I was actually a bridesmaid, so automatically that wedding made the favorite list.  Kidding, kidding, I’m not that vain.   At the end of the ceremony the bridal party walked down the aisle and headed straight to the bar to celebrate! After a few celebratory toasts, I walked into the cocktail hour to what was the most spectacular thing I have ever laid my eyes on…a HEBREW NATIONAL HOT DOG CART! I know, take a minute to take that thought in.  Ok, good now?  I know, so good.  I got myself a hot dog (with mustard and sauerkraut), took it to the bridal suite, kicked off my heels (after wearing them ALL DAY), and had the most wonderous 2 minutes!

no shoes, no problem!

The next two weddings actually took place at the same venue-so by the second time around I knew I was in for something good.  The first one was the wedding of my bunkmate. She was the first one of us to get married PLUS there was an incredible monsoon that was drenching New York–so clearly, this was a doubley exciting day.  After canoeing our way from Manhattan to Long Island we made it to her gorgeous wedding.  The magnitude of the storm was no match for the magnitude of love my campfriends and I had for the pigs in a blanket that were served after the ceremony.  These piggies were actually full sized hot dogs wrapped in some sort of croissant-esque goodness and cut into slices.  We loved them so much that while half of us saved our very coveted table, the other half was sent to track down the waitress with the tray of heaven.  We finally wrangled her over to our table and insisted she “keep ’em coming”.  And that she did…

The waitress--our hostage

My second encounter with this passed appetizer of the gods, was at one of my best friend’s wedding.  Even though I wasn’t in the wedding, I had been right there next to her in the planning process so I felt like I was apart of it all the same.  This was also the first wedding I had ever brought a boyfriend to so that was also pretty exciting for me.  Through the entire ceremony I couldn’t stop smiling-but it wasn’t just because of the aforementioned reasons.  It was because I knew what was coming my way.  And since I had already been to a wedding at this club, I knew EXACTLY where to place myself for optimal pigs a the blanket passage. Seated at a PRIMO table with another group of camp friends, we befriended yet ANOTHER waitress who, you guessed it…kept ’em coming!

Hey, do you remember me?

To further my point, there are two weddings that were not PARTICULARLY my favorite events.  Yes, these weren’t weddings of my closest friends but I can talk to a wall and have fun where ever I go, so that does not bear any weight on my judgement.  For the first one, I knew it was going to be a bad wedding before the wedding even STARTED!  At the rehearsal dinner they passed around pigs in a blanket-though they tasted more like toes wrapped in band-aids!! Flavorless, colorless, cold…a downright injustice to the pigs in a blanket community.  The wedding itself was boring. Food was terrible, band was mediocre, and at some points I was the only person on the dance floor.  LAME.

My second example was at an ORTHODOX wedding on a SUNDAY EVENING. I bolded these words not because this automatically makes it a bad wedding, but  a) it’s a sunday–can’t you make it earlier in the day? and b) Orthodox means extra long “hoopla” before the ceremony and strictly kosher foods.  Bright side for me, the best hot dogs are Hebrew National kosher hot dogs so there was hope.  WRONG. WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG.  The piggies were mealy and the crust was almost raw! There is nothing un-kosher about cooking food to the proper temperature! Right!?  Again, terrible wedding.  TOO many guests, no champs, weird half-naked tribal dancers, and well…I think that says it all.

As for my theory, if you haven’t “drank the kool-aid” yet (which I can’t imagine you haven’t) then test it out for yourself.  Next event you go to, do a quick scan of the hors d’ouevres.  If the host is smart enough to serve pigs in a blanket and serve them well you are in for a FANTASTIC evening.  If not, then run as fast as you can and save that outfit for a better night!!


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